Before we get into it…
Hey, I’m Tyra Steverson, LCPC, LPC. I’m a therapist, entrepreneur, founder of 290 Therapy, and creator of the Processing Pain to Pursue Purpose framework.
A lot of my work centers Black women who are trying to heal, build, become, and figure out who the hell they are underneath everything they’ve had to carry.
And lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what happens when your growth starts requiring different rooms.
There comes a point in your growth where you have to get honest about the people around you.
Not because they are bad people.
Not because you are better than them.
But because everybody in your life cannot pour into every part of you.
Some people are your friends. Some people are your family. Some people are learning from you. Some people are building beside you. And some people have gone places you haven’t gone yet and have something to teach you.
The problem comes when you expect one group to function like another.
You keep bringing your dreams to people who only know how to comfort you.
You tell them what you’re building, and they tell you not to overwhelm yourself.
You tell them you want more, and they remind you to rest.
And maybe they’re right. Maybe you do need rest.
But sometimes what you really need is somebody who says, “Okay. What’s the plan?”
You need people who can teach you something.
People who have tried something you haven’t tried yet. People who have gotten rejected, changed the strategy and tried again. People who know how to build relationships, make money, sell something, create opportunities, and turn an idea into something tangible.
Sometimes you need to be the least knowledgeable person at the table.
Because being the person who always has the answer gets exhausting too.
There is a particular kind of burnout that comes from constantly being the resource.
Everybody calls you because you know something.
Everybody processes with you.
Everybody wants your perspective.
Everybody wants to know what you would do.
Meanwhile, you’re starving for somebody to say, “I know something you don’t know. Come here.”
That’s when boundaries become bigger than learning how to say no.
Sometimes the boundary is deciding who gets access to your thinking.
You don’t have to explain every idea while you’re developing it.
You don’t have to workshop your dreams with everybody.
You don’t have to teach everything you’ve learned just because somebody asks.
Some lessons cost you years, money, mistakes, embarrassment, rejection, and getting your hands dirty.
You are allowed to let somebody else learn theirs.
And you are allowed to redirect your energy toward becoming a student again.
Find people who stretch your imagination.
Find rooms where the thing you’re struggling to figure out is something somebody else has already survived.
Find women who make you pull out your notes.
Find people who don’t just admire what you’re building, but can challenge how you’re building it.
You don’t have to abandon the people who have loved you.
You may simply need another table.
Because the next version of you cannot spend all of her time teaching.
Sometimes, Black girl, you need to sit down, shut up, listen, and learn.
And maybe that’s not leaving anybody behind.
Maybe that’s finally giving yourself permission to go where you can grow too.
Come build with us.
If you’re a Black woman trying to figure out what you’re building, who you’re becoming, and what needs to heal along the way, come join Hustle & Heal: A Community for Black Women Building and Becoming.
We’re building a space for conversations about both sides of becoming: the ambition and the healing required to sustain the woman carrying it.
And we’re taking those conversations even further with the upcoming Hustle & Heal Summit, bringing together Black women to talk about building, healing, purpose, money, relationships, spirituality, community, and what it actually takes to become.
Join Hustle & Heal here:
https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1H466zShpU/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Come get in the room. We have some shit to talk about.
