Dear Burned Out Black girl,
I really want to understand who put these limitations around your life.
I know you are burned out. I know you have bills to pay. Many of us are parents, partners, caretakers, and caregivers to the people we love. I understand the weight and responsibility that come with being alive.
But that is just it.
This is life.
I am not sure what version of life you grew up believing you would experience. Maybe you thought things would be easier by now. Maybe you thought you would feel safer, have more support, or be further along. Maybe the life you imagined looks nothing like the one you are currently living.
There are parts of this reality that are insufferable. There are experiences that are unfair, painful, and completely outside of your control.
But there are also parts of your life that you can change.
Your pain is real, but it does not have to become permanent
I understand that you were traumatized.
You were hurt. You were heartbroken. You may have experienced things that changed the way you see yourself, other people, and the world around you.
I also understand how hard it can be to pick yourself up when you have been living in a dark place for a long time.
But there are skilled people, resources, and therapeutic tools that can help you begin digging yourself out of that hole.
We have EMDR. We have EFT. We have IFS. We have DBT. We have all these acronyms representing different ways of helping people understand themselves, process their experiences, regulate their emotions, and cope with life more effectively.
You do not have to know which one you need before asking for help. That is what trained professionals are there to help you figure out.
I understand that there may be hesitation around therapy. Therapy can be expensive. It can be difficult to access. You may have had a bad experience with a therapist before. You may not trust that someone can understand you. You may even be afraid of what will surface once you finally become still enough to deal with everything you have been carrying.
I understand the hesitation.
I just do not want your hesitation to become another limitation.
And let me be clear. I am not begging for clients at 290 Therapy. You do not have to come see me.
But you need to go see somebody.
If post after post that I write to you as a burned out Black girl keeps resonating, it is resonating for a reason.
It is speaking to a part of you that needs attention.
A part that needs to be heard, cared for, understood, and given room to heal.
Burnout is bigger than your job
When I talk about burnout, I am not only talking about being exhausted from work.
I am using burnout to describe the exhaustion that comes from performing, surviving, overfunctioning, and moving through life without the tools or support you need.
It is the exhaustion created by negative self-talk.
It is the weight of abuse, trauma, disappointment, rejection, racism, responsibility, and grief.
It is what happens when you continue showing up for everyone else while ignoring what is happening inside of you.
Those experiences need somewhere to breathe.
They need somewhere to be understood.
They need somewhere to heal.
I am creating space for those conversations through the Dear Burned Out Black Girl podcast. But I also need you to create that space in your own life.
Listening to me talk about healing cannot become a substitute for doing your healing work.
Reading something that resonates is a beginning. It is not the entire process.
Your life can still look different
You can dream again.
You can pursue what you want to pursue.
You can build, create, move, change careers, return to school, start a business, repair your finances, leave an unhealthy relationship, deepen your faith, and become someone you feel safe being.
You can still create a life that feels like your own.
Some of us are exhausted because we are working so hard to manifest the lives of our dreams while carrying the weight of everything we have never processed.
We are trying to build with grief in our hands.
We are trying to create while trauma is consuming our energy.
We are trying to become while remaining loyal to the survival patterns that helped us endure who we used to be.
I am not telling you to stop manifesting.
I am telling you to slow down long enough to heal so you can create a life that is aligned with who you are and what you can actually contain.
Because what is the point of building the life of your dreams if your nervous system cannot experience it as safe?
What is the point of reaching the goal if you are too exhausted, anxious, or disconnected to live inside the life you worked so hard to create?
I built from burnout too
I have been a burned out Black girl for years.
I started my business from a place of burnout.
Over time, I discovered another level of healing because I was no longer working inside organizations that expected me to live by their standards. I found liberation in creating my own organization, building my own life, and developing something I could feel safe inside.
But I could not build that safety through ambition alone.
I had to heal.
I had to become dedicated to my own healing journey.
It is a process. You will not always feel like you have arrived. There will be seasons when you feel strong and clear, and other seasons when old fears and survival patterns return.
That does not mean the healing is not working.
It means you are human.
The question is not whether you can transform your entire life today.
The question is: What is stopping you from starting today?
Make one different decision
Today, you can make a different decision.
You can commit to one thing that has the potential to change your life tomorrow, as long as you are willing to remain consistent.
That is something I am learning here on Substack. If I consistently show up, my aura does the work. My personality does the work. My voice finds the people it is meant to reach.
I do not have to remain stuck because something is not growing as quickly as I expected.
I can choose a path and be consistent in it.
That applies to Substack. It applies to social media. It applies to business. It also applies to life.
Learn.
Grow.
Process your emotions.
Feel your feelings.
Make room for all your parts.
Then choose to create a life that aligns with the highest and best version of you.
It is not impossible. It takes time, but it is possible.
Many of us need to sit with ourselves long enough to fully accept and embrace who we are. Then we can develop a vision for our lives that aligns with what we feel in our bodies and what we know we want to become.
But it starts with stillness.
It starts with sitting with yourself.
It starts with taking the time to deal with the burnout, exhaustion, anxiety, panic attacks, negative self-talk, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, trauma, pain, depression, and isolation you have been ignoring every day.
Maybe those symptoms are not only there to make you uncomfortable.
Maybe they are making you uncomfortable enough to demand your attention.
Your pain is asking you to do something.
So do something.
Make the appointment.
Ask for support.
Research the therapist.
Set the boundary.
Write the plan.
Take the medication if you and your provider determine that it is appropriate.
Apply for the opportunity.
Leave the relationship.
Rest.
Start again.
You do not have to fix everything today. You just need to stop treating your current reality like it is the only reality available to you.
Your pain explains where you are.
It does not have to decide where you stay.
Ready to go deeper?
If you are ready to process your pain, reconnect with your purpose, and build the life you want piece by piece, I would love for you to join me inside the Processing Pain to Pursue Purpose Skool community.
This is where we move beyond identifying what hurts and begin doing the deeper work of understanding ourselves, healing our patterns, and creating lives that align with who we are becoming.
I will see you on the inside.
https://www.skool.com/pain-to-purpose-2442/about
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